Human communication can not be defined without terms of a continuous management of expressions in accordance with normative conceptions of acceptability. Therefore, external accountability is an omnirelative factor in the shaping of human relations. This is esspecially true in western culture where external validation is often seen as a right of passage of the respectable. It is so bad in the west that we define others not based on themselves or what they do, but according to these very normative distinctions applied from without. That is, we cannot get passed the habit of not only assigning value to differentiation but tagging on identities, and attributing happiness to success of conformity to these identites.
Generally, the human condition is preoccupied simultaneously with life and happiness. All of our actions can be attritible in some way to the propogation of happiness, whether mislead or righteous. Even horrible, apparently evil acts, such as murder can be derived for a longing of the former two aspirations; the murderer may be seeking happiness (contentment) in revenge or the fulfillment of his anger, or perhaps he is seeking personal life in the death of another (self-defense, etc.). In either case, it is reflective of not just the human condition but the condition of life from an evolutionary perspective; the propogation of life. Happiness and self-improvement seem to be two advantageous conditions for evolution’s ‘end’ of the survival of life.
If the human condition can be defined in terms of happiness and life, as well as in terms of relations; then it is often thought there is a close relationship. The western perception of happiness usually has found refuge in human relationships. That is, traditionally western measures of happiness usually start with; does he have a wife? Does he have a nice home? Does he, to a limited degree, live a ‘normal’ life? In short, does he conform to accepted normative conceptions and behavior?
One of the biggest mistakes is to assume you’re happy, or at least on the path to happiness, when you’re really just on the path to disapointment. Concurrently, it is one of the biggest mistakes to assume that happiness will be found in human relations alone. Relationships and material possessions aren’t the affirmation of freedom, contentment, and happiness; but rather they are the affirmation of enslavement, discontentment, and the ultimate dissapointment. Such is the evil of pleasures: just when you think you’re starting to enjoy it, it becomes stale.
Investing in human relations alone is the affirmation of enslavement because of attachment. I believe the best defintion of freedom possible is the ability not to necessarily to do whatever you want but to live independently of attachment. The more you are attached to, the more you are restricted, and similarly the more you have to lose. Therefore, when you invest in human relations you are investing in a limitation of your freedom. I dont’ mean to sound antisocial or antilove. On the contrary, true love is the antithesis to this attachment in human relations. That is, one that expresses true love expresses genuine compassion (a genuine wish for the betterment of others). In this sense, love is an expression of this very freedom; genuine love is the ability to feel compassion independent of the desire to live up to external expectations. I truely love someone when I commit myself to love being produced in that other person, not necessarily so that love or pleasure may be produced in myself.
Human relations is the affirmation of attachment, also in that, you are attaching yourself to conformity, and you are denying your self. As a reitaration of some of my points above, human relations cannot be defined without the constant managing of one’s outward expressions in order to meet external expectations. When ever we appear before other people, when ever we communicate, we are constantly checking our behaviours and attitudes in order not to communicate something that might go against the grain of normative concepts. One of the most relative (indeed, omnirelative) examples of this is our expressions of gender. Males are forbidden to speak and act like females. Not only do we actively partake in this, but we are assigned identities based upon it (i.e., a ‘policeman or woman’, or ‘homosexual’). It is not at all damaging to the freedom of a person to engage in this control (for the sake of not offending someone). However, when it becomes to an extent to which you deny the self, and become attached to these identities you are denying freedom. In this sense, the very ideas that material possessions connote success are reinforced and systematized through these normative regulations, and can become problematic to one’s happiness.
It should then be obvious why human relations is an investment in discontentment. The traditional western conception of happiness is ‘achieved happiness’. An investment in limited material acquisition always begs the question; can I do better? In this sense, the path to happiness is an endless process. Because ‘happiness’ in material (pleasure) is impermenent, ‘achieved happiness’ doesn’t find attempt to find happiness in ‘achievement’ itself but rather in the endless acquisition of resources. It is like someone has instilled into a cat that it will achieve true happiness once it catches it’s tail, thus the cat will spin in circles. What no one told the cat, is that the tail is apart of him all along.
So, then how do we realize that the tail (metaphorically speaking) has been apart of us all along? If not in material success, where do we find happiness? It would help to have an agreed upon definition of happiness. Happiness we find is closely associated with contentment and freedom. The former is achieved through “aesthetic happiness” (or finding contentment in what you have at all times), and the latter is found in the breaking off of attachments (and similarly through the expressions of such freedoms; art, creativity, love, etc.). Material and pleasure is impermenant (and may have a negative consequence [such as sweets, or hording of money for example]). So what is permenant? I found contentment in the permenance of beauty, nature, and the depth and excitement of a life of intellect (learning) and critical self-consciousness (philosophy). I find contentment of the breaking of need for external validation; or the expression of freedom in the severing of attachments.
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